Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Say something about gay babies.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
