yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
