"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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