So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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