Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
