That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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