what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
