Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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