you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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