can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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