you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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