Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
