Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
