I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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