TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We have started to decorate penises.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
