Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
