Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
