I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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