Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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