dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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