Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
