Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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