His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
