Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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