Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
