yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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