Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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