My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
