put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
