She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
