after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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