You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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