I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
