I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
