I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
