It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
