I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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