this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
