i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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