her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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