Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The air was thick with penises
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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