Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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