So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
