I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
