I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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