she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
