there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
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I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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