I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
