glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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