he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
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We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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