some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
