the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
