I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
