I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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