I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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