I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
