One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
