whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
