hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
