i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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