You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
