Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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